When I was pregnant with Owen I kept trying to imagine what he would look like and what life would be like when he arrived. When people say you won’t understand until you experience it, there is so much truth to that. However, I am going to try and explain through a new mommas eyes and heart what it is like for me to be a new mom.
If you talked to me for even a second during my pregnancy, you knew how hard of a pregnancy I had. Where do I even start-the nausea and vomiting for over 30 straight weeks, the hormonal induced horrible anxiety, not to mention the typical aches and pains, and last, but definitely not least, the relentless pupps rash that kept me up all night and in tears itching and scratching during the day. I know everyone has their own pregnancy story- good and bad. I was so thankful to be pregnant but it was also so hard to be so physically and emotionally drained for 9 months. All of that to say, that when Owen arrived I had never been so relieved and thankful to be ending the pregnancy chapter and moving on to the motherhood one. In my mind I believed nothing could be harder than what I had endured during my pregnancy. And so far I have found that to be true. Because as hard as it has gotten at some points over the past 3 months- when I hold Owen or even just look at him- my whole being is filled with an indescribable peace and love that makes everything else melt away.
I will never forget the moment in the operating room after a 40 plus hour labor and 4 hours of pushing when they held him over the curtain. The doctor literally said “oh my god he’s huge”. At 9 lbs 9 oz he made his grand entrance.
Since then everything has truly been grand. Every day waking up feels like Christmas because I get to be this little boys momma (it also probably feels that way because of all the baby clothes I order- sorry Jim!) Being a mom brings so much perspective to my marriage, my friendships, my family relationships, my job and my overall thoughts and feelings about life. I have had days leaving work where I am in tears from exhaustion and as soon as I see Owen at daycare I literally feel my body relaxing and the worries and fears go away- at least for that moment!
I think the best way in my mind to describe the love I feel for this little boy is to think of everyone you love in the world in the same room together. You would feel so much happiness and peace and love. Take that feeling and multiply it by infinity and you still do not have the amount of love You feel for your child.
That is not to say that this isn’t hard. Because it is. I constantly worry about him. It is a challenge to get out of the house. I wonder daily whether or not being a working mom is the best fit for me and him. I cry with him when he cries because I am so tired and all I want is for both of us to sleep. But I think admitting that it is hard and talking to friends- with and without kids- helps bring clarity and peace to a sometimes overwhelming job as a new parent.
It has also been amazing to share Owen with our family and friends. This little boy is loved by people literally all over the world and it is so fun to share him with you all.
Each moment with him is precious and the smiles he gives make my heart melt. I love that I have a constant companion and that we will teach each other about this beautiful, crazy, wonderful life. Thank you Owen for making me a momma.