Losing My Cool

I need a refresh button on my hand that says “do better”. So when I have a moment of frustration or irritability I can just click refresh.

Last night we went to the Lebanese festival downtown. I love events like that because of the atmosphere. The music, conversation, culture and food just feel good to my soul.

The overwhelming amount of people don’t always feel so good to me. I get anxious about crowds sometimes. Not so much being in them once I am there, but navigating through them. And last night as I was trying to navigate with Owen as my usual sidekick I got overwhelmed. And then after that initial feeling happens, then I get frustrated for feeling that way in the first place.

Don’t get me wrong. We had a great time at the festival. But it started out rocky because my mood was stressed from the crowd and the logistics.

I know a lot of this is human nature. But I also know that there are people in this world that just don’t seem to lose their cool in situations like the food festival or really any situation. Or if they do, it is so rare that we barely notice it. So my question is, why are they so calm and collected and not me?

I have an idea but I am still sorting through it and it is a challenge to put into words. But I think it may have something to do with my insecurity and wanting to be a perfectionist. I am still working on the reason behind it.

I think if I can start to find the reason behind why I get worked up at times in crowds and stressful situations, then I can start to make progress. Do better.

That’s my goal right now in life. Do better. Do better for me. Do better for Owen. Do better for my marriage. Do better for my family and friends. Do better for the world.

Because it is going to have to smart small. And me becoming irritable with my husband or myself over the lack of a parking spot or a forgotten chore doesn’t help anything. So if I can work on being more comfortable in my own skin I think that will help me keep my cool. And in then I can do better.

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