The Person I Used to Be

Moments that are magical are my favorite. Last night at the See Jane Write round table discussion event it was magical. The word spiritual was used. I was sick and almost didn’t make it (I am actually at the doctor now writing this post). I am so glad I persevered. The event was inspiring. Helpful. Powerful. And most importantly uplifting.

I had my journal with me and could not stop jotting down words and ideas. I have definitely decided I need a writing buddy. What was most impressive to me about these women writers is how different we all were, and yet so similar. Not only were our outward appearances different but age and jobs and more. So many differences. And yet we were all there for the same reason: to continue to ignite our passion and tell our story.

At one point in the discussion the leader, Javacia, said that your ideal reader should be targeting the person you used to be. And then another woman chimed in that we are constantly changing and sometimes it is necessary to grieve the life you left behind.

Those words stuck. I am getting ready to start a new chapter in my life. And it makes me feel very vulnerable. And scared at times. Because it is so unknown. Of course I am excited, but also terrified. I know writing is part of my new journey. But writing makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. And I doubt myself.

I am grieving the old journey. Because it was safer. There was doubt still, but it wasn’t as public. I was also skinnier ha! And my old life was way more secure.

I am somewhat of an oxymoron. I love excitement but I also crave security. And my life has been pretty secure and predictable lately. Leaving my job is the complete opposite of those things. Writing just to write and hope it goes somewhere is the definition of instability.

But man is this igniting a fire in me. And I cannot wait. Cannot wait for what this unstable future will hold. I will continue to grieve the past, but the future is looking full of promise from my current vantage point.

2015/04/img_2345.jpg

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “The Person I Used to Be

  1. “But writing makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. And I doubt myself.”

    THIS!

    I am SO glad I found your blog via The Blog Love Project!

    I read this post and it is just like looking in a mirror.

    Writing is such an important part of my life, but I often find myself retreating to the safe side. I, too, like excitement, but struggle to push myself beyond my comfort zone.

    I find the idea of writing for the person you used to be quite interesting. I need to think on that a while before I fully respond.

    I know I’m looking forward to reading more about your journey–and if you ever need a writing buddy, let me know!

    Like

  2. Are you in Birmingham? I am and I’ve heard so many great things about See Jane Write, but haven’t signed up yet. I’m a point in my life where everything is changing. It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s