Today my stepbrother graduated college. The same college my brother graduated from 5 years ago. College graduations are such a great place to reflect (and of course feel super proud of the graduate!) Big events like college graduations, weddings, changing careers and having a baby have brought all kinds of emotions to the surface for me recently.
I realized that I have not lived in the same state as my family since 2003. Don’t get me wrong, we love Alabama. We made the choice to continue living there because it felt right and we were not ready to leave. And I do believe we made the right choice, for now. But when I am home in Maryland with my family I feel all the feelings. Nostalgia sums it up perfectly:
“A sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations”
Sentimental and longing is exactly what I feel when in Maryland. My heart feels split in two; part of it is in Alabama and part of it is in Maryland. I have made peace with this feeling over the years. I am lucky enough to be able to visit regularly and my family does the same.
But of course I cannot help but think about Owen. What does this mean for him? A lot of traveling as he grows up? Or will we move? Right now I have no idea. I am happy where we are but that nostalgic need to be near family exists within me.
In the mean time I am thankful to be in the present celebrating my stepbrother. And I love any moments that Owen gets to be with family. I basque in the feeling of nostalgia. It makes me feel loved. Safe. Happy.
I am not sure how you make a decision like where to raise your child. I guess in a way we have made the decision. But again, it’s for now. Who knows what the future will bring. But I sure am thankful that I have two states to call home. Two states that make me feel oh so nostalgic.