Today my son took some of his first steps. Sure, he was holding my hand and was unsteady on his own. But these literal baby steps will lead to his official first big boy steps.
My husband and I both exclaimed how this moment was surreal. Our son was about to start walking. Didn’t we just bring him home from the hospital?
As Owen toddled around the house with reckless abandon, he didn’t have a care in the world. His focus was simple: to walk. He was present and determined. His eyes sparkled with pride and he had nothing to prove. He simply took an assisted step and kept on going.
I want to be just like my son. I want to throw caution to the wind and just go where life takes me. Owen has changed me in obvious ways. But there are some subtle ways that have become more obvious as time has gone on.
Owen makes me want to be vulnerable. Vulnerable to the point of putting my heart, body and mind on display for the world to see. And oh my goodness, being vulnerable is liberating.
I feel truly free for the first time in my life.
I am less concerned than ever with the weight I want to lose and try and hide in pictures. If I have a double chin in pictures, so be it.
I speak with passion and excitement, instead of holding back my true feelings.
I love fiercely and boldly instead of apologizing for being too emotional or sensitive.
I am present with him; not always, but more than I ever was before.
I trust the world more than ever and the people in it.
This is not to say I don’t have my insecurities still. Believe me I do. I am ridiculously insecure. But Owen helps me focus on the good instead of the bad. He helps me keep perspective when I do get down about life or frustrated with something out of my control.
Having a baby changed my whole world. Watching him begin to walk today was only a glimpse of the pride and excitement I will continue to feel about his accomplishments. And as he figures out life, I will be by his side cheering him on, feeling free.