I am my grandmother’s granddaughter. My grandmother lived 88 beautiful years on Earth. She left behind 5 children and 14 grandchildren and 1 great-grandchild (Owen!). My grandmother left a beautiful legacy of love and faith behind. However, she did not leave a legacy of patience behind. And if she was reading this, she would probably be too stubborn to admit it, but eventually would know that there is truth to it.
In raising 5 children I know she had to have a huge amount of patience in some form. My dad and aunts and uncles could add story after story on either side of the patience debate. Regardless of the debate, the grandmother I knew loved to sit and tell stories and talk about God. But when she wanted something, well she wanted it right then and there.
I completely and without a doubt inherited that trait. As I sift through my insecurities, my fears, my hopes, my dreams, my needs- at times all I want is to be done. Just done. I want to be done with doing the work in therapy and with God to make myself feel whole again. I want to be done with wondering about the future of my relationship status. I just want to know what’s going to happen and when.
But thank God I won’t know. Patience is one of the lessons I deseperately need right now; patience and trust. I am working on trusting myself and my faith and the timing of it all. I know one day I will look back on this post and smile because I do believe my dreams will come true. They just may not be how I originally imagined.
My grandmother taught me a lot of things. Patience was not nevcessarily one of them. But trusting myself and my faith was the biggest lesson she taught me. And if she could, I know she would tell me this is just a season.
One of her favorite verses was Eccelisates 3- for everything there is a season. I know where I am right now there is a time of weeping and of laughter, a time of tearing down and building back up.
I think that’s why my grandma liked that verse so much. She knew we had to appreciate what life gave us, the good and the bad, the easy and the hard.
As I fight through this hard season of being patient and vulnerable and sad sometimes, I am so thankful for the good that is coming from it. I am so thankful for the beauty I can see that is slowly rising from the ashes. But there is a key word there: slowly.
Beauty takes time. Like a flower blooming or the sun rising, nothing is instant. My healing and my dreams coming true won’t be instant. So I will wait patiently. Because I know that as I wait I am being taken down the exact road that was meant for me. My road just happens to include the battle of impatience.
But that road of impatience is the same road that has the best view made just for me.
I just have to be patient enough to slow down and see it.