I sat in a corner booth and the emotions flooded in. This local diner had been our place. This was the spot where we went and planned and dreamed together. In those booths, I had nourished our son with their cinnamon rolls and occasional sweet tea as he grew in my body. This was where we brought him, a few months old, to meet the waitresses we had come to know so well. I had been avoiding this very spot for so long. And today without thinking much about it, I walked in to our neighborhood restaurant for the first time in almost a year.
When you first left, I said I immediately forgave you. God gave me a forgiving heart, and I know he gave it to me for a reason. But there is a difference in believing in forgiveness and putting it into practice; there is a difference between wanting to forgive and feeling the forgiveness deep within your soul.
As I shared through tears the emotions I was feeling with my friend sitting in that booth, I realized the truth and hope of forgiveness I had been yearning for for so long was finally filling my soul with a peace I had been waiting for.
Because you see, I do forgive you.
I forgive you for breaking promises. I forgive you for leaving. I forgive you for the hurt and the tears and the sleepless nights. I forgive you for the pain. I forgive you for all of it.
But most importantly I forgive us.
It takes two people to make a marriage. And it takes two people to make a divorce. You may have left. You may have given up. But there was a reason it happened. You were not at fault completely. I messed up too.
So as I sat in that booth today I knew we had made it. We had made it to the point we both needed to get to; the point where we can picture our lives on a very different, but restored, path.
Forgiveness allows for us to move on as parents; to move on as friends. We have a beautiful boy together. That fact will never change. Thank God it will never change. I know in both of our hearts we wouldn’t change a single thing about our story. Because of our story, we were able to bring him into the world, together. And without a doubt, he’s the best thing that has happened to either of us.
I don’t know what the future holds for either of us. I have a feeling we will both be remarried one day. I have a feeling we may even have more children with our future spouses. But one thing will always remain the same regardless of the future. I will be forever grateful for our story. Because it gave us the best gift we could ever receive; our love in the form of a son.
So yes, I forgive you. And I can finally say I mean it. But more importantly I say thank you. Thank you for loving me the way you did. Because without that love, our son wouldn’t be here. It’s a different kind of love now; a friendship kind of love which is exactly what we need to coparent our son together.
What I love the most about our story is what he gets from us: redemption. Because of forgiveness that led to redemption, our son has two loving parents who have learned and healed, both together and apart. He gets the best of both of us and a family that although looks a little different, is full of unconditional love and forgiveness.