It has been over a year since I officially stepped out of the classroom full time. A year later, I’ve started thinking about what it would look like to change careers, to pursue a doctorate, to begin to challenge myself again academically.
The thought popped into my head this week on a run. I went from wanting to stay home for years, to thinking about a different career path in the span of a life altering year.
So much of my current thought process has to do with my circumstances; had my divorce never happened, who knows what my thought process would be right now.
But my divorce did happen. And with it came a new lease on life. When major life events happen, it seems as if one of the natural occurrences is to begin to question life as a whole.
I have always been a passionate person. My family and friends would tell you sometimes I am a little too passionate (see: dramatic). I am the person that jumps up and down at exciting life news, and puts my emotions out there intensely and unashamedly.
Because of this passion, I tend to have a wide variety of interests. Teaching helped provide a creative outlet for those interests. Although I am still teaching now, it is in a different capacity; and I have started to think more about what my life will look like a year from now or five years from now creatively speaking.
Sometimes I imagine myself sitting on my back porch writing and actually being paid for it. Other times I imagine myself back on a college campus, pursing yet another degree, maybe for counseling or higher education. The beauty of life is that we can dream and work like crazy to achieve those dreams.
Before the divorce, I loved the stability of my life. I was content in a tenured teaching position and my marriage and my home. We were living the American dream. But my passions were not ignited in the same way.
The girl that once went on a yoga retreat to Guatemala by herself seemed to be slipping away into the stability of life.
Sometimes I still long for that stability. But if given the choice between settling and chasing dreams, I am going to choose chasing dreams every time.
I am so grateful for this change that shook me to my core. Because it woke me up again. It ignited a fire in me I forgot existed.
Of course I have no idea what the future holds, and that is both terrifying and exciting. It means that in a way, the possibilities are endless. This time last year, I imagined my life very differently. Although I have had to go through a crazy amount of pain to get to this point, I continue to see the purpose for that pain on a daily basis.
I want to be the kind of woman that is open to what life brings, instead of taking the safe path.
I want to be the kind of woman that is provided with an opportunity and jumps at it.
I was made to be passionate for a reason. Right now it seems the purpose for my passion is to love my son boldly and fiercely, teach gifted students part time and to share my story through my writing. Whether writing turns into a career or not, who knows. But I sure am enjoying the journey of what ifs and why nots. Embracing and being open to all the change in my life has allowed the light within me that was buried fight its way back to the surface.