The feelings roll through my heart like a storm rolls over the hills, looming and threatening to overtake the light.
I am a joy seeker and people pleaser. It’s deep in my core to want to make everyone feel comfortable and welcome and loved. But sometimes I forget that I need to feel the same way in my own life: I need to trust that I am loved.
Watching people feel loved is what I live for. It is a beautiful thing to watch; the moment when someone hits their sweet spot and you can simply feel the energy that they are in their element, they feel safe and are using their God given gifts to bring beauty and joy and love into the world.
It’s those moments of pure peace where all feels right in the world, even if just for that one moment.
Watching people flourish in their sweet spots brings joy into my own world. And yet, I struggle to trust that when I flourish, when I hit my own sweet spot, that the joy won’t be immediately ripped away.
Lately, life has allowed a lot of beautiful and adventurous moments to occur. And yet my joy gets clouded with the fear that they won’t last. That I will be dragged back down into the darkness and the light will be hidden once again.
I am so over fear. The feisty side of my soul is fed up with the fear that threatens to steal my joy.
I’ve come a long way in my journey. I have tangible evidence that shows growth and healing and redemption and more strength than I knew I possessed.
Walking through a divorce with a brand new baby and making it to the other side changes everything. I will never be the same.
I don’t want to be the same. I don’t want to be the person that is afraid that it will all come crashing down again. I want to continue to trust that whatever life throws my way, I will handle it with grace and strength and a trust that nothing painful lasts forever.
I am making a choice: I will no longer live in fear. I am actively and daily making the choice to put fear aside and choose to trust.
Because you know what? One of my biggest fears actually happened. And not only did I survive, I made it to the other side, a little worse for the wear in some regard, but stronger and full of more love than I even knew existed within.
So fear, I will continue to fight you with all that I have. I will dive into unknowns. And yes, you will still cause some terror. But oh my goodness, I cannot wait for the adventure and love that is beginning to take shape.
Because we all know, in order to fly, you have to let go and make the fearful leap into the unknown. Fighting fear is a risk I am more than willing to take, to find the light I long to see behind the clouds.